shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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