Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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