I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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