its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There are leaves in my underwear?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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