at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
