After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
