Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
