we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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