Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
