I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
