i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
