The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
