Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
