OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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