when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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