I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
