I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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