i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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