I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
