my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
