Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
