He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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