I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
