i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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