my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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