i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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