the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
