when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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