I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
