That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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