i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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