im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
