singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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