i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm passing your future prison.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
