There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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