I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
