The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
