the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
