I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
