Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
