we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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