he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
