I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
