i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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