and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize