So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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