If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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