VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
