smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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