I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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