I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
