I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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