So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
