I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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