He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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