Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize