She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
