When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
