If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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