I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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