I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
