Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
