The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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