just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
