Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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