I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
