It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
